Venting out

 I feel empty and numb. I also feel sad and tired and quite bored overall. My life is so good and most people probably would feel quite jealous looking at it from the outside. But there is that hole inside, that emptiness that I don’t know how to fill. 

Of course the first thing I want is to blame - others, him, coincidences, life. It’s the first reflex when you feel bad: find what’s causing the pain and remove/erase/fight it. But maybe this time I’ll try something new - I’ll try to not only look this pain in the eyes and go through it, but also dig deeper into why does did it hurt so badly and how can I learn not be afraid of something new? I don’t even feel like I’m afraid but this must be the reason… 

I don’t even remember how does it feel to love and care about someone. All these last times, it was over before I even started to… 

I want my light and my energy back. I want to be curious and excited again. I want to enjoy, love and ..