not interesting

I used to love my mornings, especially on the weekends. Now I start having a new routine which I don't like more than I do: balcony with coffee, cigarettes and tears. Not sure why mornings is the hardest part, pretty sure there is a study about it or something.

It feels so weird. Talking about not interesting topics, with not interesting people while going to not interesting places. Watching not interesting movies and smiling just to avoid unnecessary questions.
Even shrink was asking questions that I saw no interest in answering to (still did it though, trying to be as open-minded as possible). I'm tired of pretending but what else can I do?

I think too much a lot though. All the interesting topics, memories, questions, answers, conversations and much more are happening inside my mind. But it all seems pointless - some of the things I can't find explanations to in my head, regardless of how interesting it can be, it will still hurt.

I just want to make you breakfast and talk about everything and nothing for hours.