(un)stable

"What a time to be alive!" - I thought to myself a few weeks ago. If only I knew that only a few weeks later my life will change completely and I'd want to just fell asleep for 6 months and wake up somewhere else or maybe get into the time machine if this is more realistic. From a stable daily loop routine to so much emotions and stress that my mood can go from sad to mad to very sad again in less than a minute.

I'm very hurt again.I don't eat or sleep and can't be bothered to work. I feel like I have to process too many things at the same time and it's too much for me right now.

I wake up at 6 and can't get back to sleep. The reality, memories, and thoughts just hit me and I can't make it stop. I go to the beach together with 70 years old (who else gets up that early) and smoke 2 cigarettes before having my morning coffee. Not sure I will make it to their age if I continue this way.

Looking at those old couples, having a walk by the beach in complete silence and holding their hands, made me think if we could ever be one of these couples?

Why and how did this happen to us? The easy answer is that we tried and it didn't work but it doesn't sound good enough for me.
Why do you have to be a stranger to the one who's been the closest to your heart and mind for so long?

 From riding horses and holding hands to an empty house in less than a week.